According to an essay originally published by www.nairaland.com and republished by marriageanonymous.org, marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is a sacrificial commitment between both parties involved, in which both leave their former lives and come together to become one in a new life. It is very saddening to note that the very people smiling and overexcited about their marriage some years ago, can not now stand the very presence of each other.
In Nigeria, the rate is on the increase, but because of our culture where we strongly don't believe in divorce to a larger extent, and how patient our women/men can be towards their marriage, our divorce rates are low compared to the other countries in the whole world
Now let us examine the Causes of Marriage/Relationship Failures in Nigeria.
Here are the 10 Most Causes of why Marriages Fail in Nigeria
LACK OF TRUST;
This is the number one reason why marriages fail. what causes lack of trust is infidelity, extra marital affairs and constant lying by either spouses to their spouse. The foundation of a successful marriage is trusting your spouse, immediately that trust is broken, the marriage now begins to go down hill.
When a couple exchanges their wedding vows on the altar, they actually trade their exclusivity to one another, they both gave their freedom, time, love, trust to the other spouse. Then when your spouse betrays your trust, you feel weak from inside your soul. No matter who is betraying someone’s trust, it always destroys the marriage, and it gives room for resentment, anger, jealousy among the couples.
Lets put it this way, trust is like an Egg, if it falls down and breaks, it can never be mended back again, it takes the grace of God and extreme love for you to get it back. We should never give room to betray the trust of our spouse, because the very foundation of our marriage depends on it.
ALLOWING PAST RELATIONSHIPS INTO THEIR MARRIAGES;
Sometimes people bring in the excess baggage of their past relationships into their marriage. They may have previously been hurt or coming from a previous bad relationship, they tend to allow it to affect their marriage, by pre-judging their spouse.
Sometimes spouses are still hooked to their past relationships, they find themselves thinking about their past relationships and compare it to their marriage, and they put their marriage under pressure and risk of failure, because your marriage is not meeting up to your former relationship.
A young married man may have had a former girlfriend who was great in bed, but because of her manners he felt she is not a wife material and decides not to marry her. But finally marries a humble, gentle and good girl who meets the description of a wife material, then after, you discover she is not so good in bed compared to your former girlfriend, then you find yourself complaining bitterly about how bad she is in bed and start comparing her to your former girlfriend.
What you should understand is that people are different in many ways, what your spouse has, your former girlfriend may not have 10% of it, but just because she is lacking in one aspect your former girlfriend seems to be a professional is no justification to compare both persons, you should avoid comparing you marriage or spouse with your past relationships, it brings down the self esteem of your spouse, whatever flaws your spouse may have should be worked at.
PRIDE AND EGO;
The truth about many of us, is that we are too egocentric, we carry ourselves with so much pride that we trample on our spouses emotions.
Your wife may ask you to help her to bathe your children, due to the fact she is under tremendous stress and pressure, but instead of showing your love and care, you retaliate and begin to preach the duties of a woman, and how its none of your business to do such things, because it is not a man’s job and doing it will hurt your ego.
We mostly allow our Ego and Pride to get in the way of just saying a simple “sorry” or “please forgive me” to your spouse, and as a result broken down the communication gap in your marriage. Ego and Pride are major causes of Marriage failures nowadays.
LACK OF INTIMACY
Although intimacy is not necessary sex, but lack of sex between both parties begin to draw both parties apart from each other. When a spouse punishes the other spouse by not giving in to sex, because he/she was offended by the other party, it begins to kill your intimacy.
Intimacy is much more than sex, spending quality time with your spouse, buying her unexpected gifts, showing that you care and showing her love all the time builds a relationship.
Marriage is like a flower, if it is not watered with intimacy and love, it will wither and die. Intimacy is what keeps the flame burning in a marriage. When both couples slip into that stage of not being intimate with each other, or not having sex, then the flame dies, and they start searching for a new flame outside their marriage.
Lets not forget, men are different from women, men love the physical, simple means sex, while women love the emotional(non-physical), simple means caring and showing love.
ALLOWING 3RD PARTIES TO INTERFERE IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Let us face it, if a country has more than one president in a country, the country will not move forward because each one of them will have different opinion about how the country should be run. In the same way if you allow third parties to interfere in your marriage, it will never be successful because people will always have different opinion on how your marriage should be.
In this part of the world, any simple thing we run to our pastors, or in-laws or bosses, or just any person to come and settle the dispute in your marriage, even if you guys are arguing on a simple matter of which school your children to go to. There is nothing wrong when an elderly person, or your spiritual father guides you in your marriage, or settle a major quarrel for you, but it should be reduced to the barest minimum and never be encouraged.
On the part of the man, he may feel he lacks the ability to handle his family affairs, and on the part of the woman she would not feel safe and secured in her marriage. These third parties that are involved in your marriage, are they really successful with their own marriages.
Culled from http://www.nairaland.com/614193/10-reasons-why-marriages-relationships#7821351
In Nigeria, the rate is on the increase, but because of our culture where we strongly don't believe in divorce to a larger extent, and how patient our women/men can be towards their marriage, our divorce rates are low compared to the other countries in the whole world
Now let us examine the Causes of Marriage/Relationship Failures in Nigeria.
Here are the 10 Most Causes of why Marriages Fail in Nigeria
LACK OF TRUST;
This is the number one reason why marriages fail. what causes lack of trust is infidelity, extra marital affairs and constant lying by either spouses to their spouse. The foundation of a successful marriage is trusting your spouse, immediately that trust is broken, the marriage now begins to go down hill.
When a couple exchanges their wedding vows on the altar, they actually trade their exclusivity to one another, they both gave their freedom, time, love, trust to the other spouse. Then when your spouse betrays your trust, you feel weak from inside your soul. No matter who is betraying someone’s trust, it always destroys the marriage, and it gives room for resentment, anger, jealousy among the couples.
Lets put it this way, trust is like an Egg, if it falls down and breaks, it can never be mended back again, it takes the grace of God and extreme love for you to get it back. We should never give room to betray the trust of our spouse, because the very foundation of our marriage depends on it.
ALLOWING PAST RELATIONSHIPS INTO THEIR MARRIAGES;
Sometimes people bring in the excess baggage of their past relationships into their marriage. They may have previously been hurt or coming from a previous bad relationship, they tend to allow it to affect their marriage, by pre-judging their spouse.
Sometimes spouses are still hooked to their past relationships, they find themselves thinking about their past relationships and compare it to their marriage, and they put their marriage under pressure and risk of failure, because your marriage is not meeting up to your former relationship.
A young married man may have had a former girlfriend who was great in bed, but because of her manners he felt she is not a wife material and decides not to marry her. But finally marries a humble, gentle and good girl who meets the description of a wife material, then after, you discover she is not so good in bed compared to your former girlfriend, then you find yourself complaining bitterly about how bad she is in bed and start comparing her to your former girlfriend.
What you should understand is that people are different in many ways, what your spouse has, your former girlfriend may not have 10% of it, but just because she is lacking in one aspect your former girlfriend seems to be a professional is no justification to compare both persons, you should avoid comparing you marriage or spouse with your past relationships, it brings down the self esteem of your spouse, whatever flaws your spouse may have should be worked at.
PRIDE AND EGO;
The truth about many of us, is that we are too egocentric, we carry ourselves with so much pride that we trample on our spouses emotions.
Your wife may ask you to help her to bathe your children, due to the fact she is under tremendous stress and pressure, but instead of showing your love and care, you retaliate and begin to preach the duties of a woman, and how its none of your business to do such things, because it is not a man’s job and doing it will hurt your ego.
We mostly allow our Ego and Pride to get in the way of just saying a simple “sorry” or “please forgive me” to your spouse, and as a result broken down the communication gap in your marriage. Ego and Pride are major causes of Marriage failures nowadays.
LACK OF INTIMACY
Although intimacy is not necessary sex, but lack of sex between both parties begin to draw both parties apart from each other. When a spouse punishes the other spouse by not giving in to sex, because he/she was offended by the other party, it begins to kill your intimacy.
Intimacy is much more than sex, spending quality time with your spouse, buying her unexpected gifts, showing that you care and showing her love all the time builds a relationship.
Marriage is like a flower, if it is not watered with intimacy and love, it will wither and die. Intimacy is what keeps the flame burning in a marriage. When both couples slip into that stage of not being intimate with each other, or not having sex, then the flame dies, and they start searching for a new flame outside their marriage.
Lets not forget, men are different from women, men love the physical, simple means sex, while women love the emotional(non-physical), simple means caring and showing love.
ALLOWING 3RD PARTIES TO INTERFERE IN YOUR MARRIAGE
Let us face it, if a country has more than one president in a country, the country will not move forward because each one of them will have different opinion about how the country should be run. In the same way if you allow third parties to interfere in your marriage, it will never be successful because people will always have different opinion on how your marriage should be.
In this part of the world, any simple thing we run to our pastors, or in-laws or bosses, or just any person to come and settle the dispute in your marriage, even if you guys are arguing on a simple matter of which school your children to go to. There is nothing wrong when an elderly person, or your spiritual father guides you in your marriage, or settle a major quarrel for you, but it should be reduced to the barest minimum and never be encouraged.
On the part of the man, he may feel he lacks the ability to handle his family affairs, and on the part of the woman she would not feel safe and secured in her marriage. These third parties that are involved in your marriage, are they really successful with their own marriages.
Culled from http://www.nairaland.com/614193/10-reasons-why-marriages-relationships#7821351
Power struggle and excessive control or poking nose instead of letting flexibility and convenience to roll add to issues that frustrate excitement and companionship for a good marriage. Learn when to converse, discuss, and argue. Arguments can spoil things and moreover create avoidance of each other.
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